i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize