he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
