I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
