can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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