the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
