she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
