google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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