I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
