I want you more than these girls want KFC
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
