Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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