We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize