Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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