the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
