How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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