This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize