He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
