Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
