just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
