He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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