I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
