Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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