Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
