hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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