I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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