is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I could make wine with my vomit
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
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