my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
A bitchslap is in order.
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