I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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