My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
