just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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