i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
