i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
zippers are such a cool invention
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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