I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
