so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
