I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize