i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
