well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
