So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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