Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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