I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
