the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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