Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
