Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
