I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
