I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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