Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
