1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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