But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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