Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
