ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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