If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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