she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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