if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
