if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
