I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
