Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My life is pants optional.
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