I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
