Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
