I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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