i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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