Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
