If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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