come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
