lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
