My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
