He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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