I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i think my cat just said my name.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Never underestimate the power of titties
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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