Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
