PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
