We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And then my night got REAL pukey
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
