When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
