When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Is it because I queefed?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
