We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
