please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
