I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
