U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
