After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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