Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
