I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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