The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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