"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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