I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
