I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
