Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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