Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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