My liver just broke up with me...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
