i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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