Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
