yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
