never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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