It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
