i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
