I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
